Dancing with Darkness: How to Reclaim Your Whole Self

“Shadow work is the way to illumination. When we become aware of all that is buried within us, that which is lurking beneath the surface no longer has power over us.” ~Aletheia Luna

For years, I believed healing was about transcending pain. I took the courses, read the books, learned every energy-healing technique I could find, and became a healer myself.

And for a while, I felt better. I had breakthroughs. My anxiety lessened.

My depressive episodes became fewer. But they never fully disappeared. Even after all the inner work, there were stilldays when I felt unbearably low. Days and nights when my thoughts raced, full of fear and doubt.

I told myself that if I was truly healing, these feelings shouldn’t exist anymore. That if I was really evolving, I wouldn’t feelthis way.

And worst of all, if I was a healer, how could I possibly still struggle?

Surely, I was doing something wrong.

I started questioning myself. Maybe I wasn’t “good enough” as a healer. Maybe I wasn’t doing enough inner work. MaybeI just wasn’t meant to be on this path.

So I doubled down. I meditated longer. Journaled more. Cleared my energy. Did affirmations.

And yet, the sadness still found me. The anxiety still whispered its fears. No matter how much I tried to fix myself, theseemotions refused to leave.

It wasn’t until I stopped fighting my pain that something shifted. I realized I had spent years treating my emotions assomething to get rid of. But healing isn’t about eliminating pain: it’s about becoming intimate with it.

So instead of suppressing my darkness, I started getting to know it. Instead of running from my emotions, I sat with them—fully present, without trying to fix them.

I let my sadness speak through poetry.

I let my anxiety move through dance.

I let my shadows express themselves through art, writing, and stillness.

And something unexpected happened. The more I embraced my pain, the less power it had over me. The more I let myself feel without judgment, the more compassion I had for myself.

I learned that healing isn’t about reaching some perfect, pain-free version of yourself. It’s about integrating every part ofyou—even the ones you used to reject.

I realized that being a healer doesn’t mean being free of struggle. It means having the courage to meet yourself exactlyas you are—without shame, without resistance, and with deep, unwavering love.

Because healing isn’t about erasing your darkness.

It’s about learning to dance with it.

What is the Shadow Self?

Our shadow consists of the parts of ourselves that we’ve been taught to hide: our fears, suppressed emotions, unprocessed pain, and even our untapped strengths.

Maybe you were told as a child that expressing anger was “bad,” so you learned to suppress it.

Maybe you grew up believing that vulnerability was weakness, so you built walls around your heart.

The shadow isn’t just made up of things we perceive as negative; it can also include hidden gifts. Some of us hide ourpower because we were taught it wasn’t safe to shine.

Some of us suppress our intuition because we fear being wrong. Some of us bury our true desires because we’ve beenconditioned to think they’re unrealistic or selfish.

But here’s the thing: Whatever we suppress doesn’t disappear. It just works against us in unconscious ways.

Our unhealed wounds can show up as:

Feeling stuck in the same painful patterns
Emotional triggers that seem to come out of nowhere
Self-sabotage, procrastination, or fear of success
Overreacting to certain behaviors in others (often mirroring what we reject in ourselves)
Feeling disconnected, numb, or unfulfilled despite “doing the work”

So how do we begin integrating our shadow instead of fearing or avoiding it?

5 Ways to Begin Shadow Integration

1. Get curious about your triggers.

One of the easiest ways to identify our shadow is to pay attention to what triggers us.

Have you ever felt an irrationally strong reaction to something? Maybe a passing comment made you feel deeplyinsecure, or someone else’s confidence irritated you.

Our triggers are messengers. They reveal wounds that are still waiting to be healed and integrated.

Reflection prompt:

Think about the last time something upset or irritated you. What was the deeper emotion beneath it?
Does this remind you of a past experience or belief?
If this was a message from your inner self, what would it be saying?

When we can sit with our reactions instead of judging them, we open the door to healing.

2. Identify what you’ve been taught to suppress.

Many of our shadow aspects were created in childhood. We learned that certain emotions, traits, or desires weren’t“acceptable,” so we buried them.

Ask yourself:

What parts of myself did I feel I had to hide growing up?
What qualities do I judge in others (and could these be aspects I’ve rejected in myself)?
What dreams or desires have I talked myself out of because they feel “unrealistic” or “selfish”?

For example, if you were taught that being sensitive meant being weak, you might suppress your emotions and strugglewith vulnerability. If you were raised in an environment where success was met with jealousy, you might unconsciouslyfear stepping into your full potential.

By bringing awareness to these patterns, you can begin to rewrite them.

3. Practice sitting with uncomfortable emotions.

Most of us weren’t taught how to sit with our emotions. We were taught how to suppress, avoid, or “fix” them.

But emotions are not problems. They are messages.

Instead of pushing away sadness, frustration, or fear, try welcoming them as temporary visitors.

Try this:

When a difficult emotion arises, pause, and say, I see you. I hear you. I am listening.
Notice what sensations arise in your body.
Breathe deeply and allow yourself to sit with it, without rushing to change it.

The more you practice this, the less power your emotions will have over you.

4. Reconnect with your inner child.

Much of our shadow is rooted in childhood experiences—times when we felt abandoned, unworthy, or unsafe.

Healing these wounds requires reparenting ourselves with love and compassion.

A simple inner child exercise:

Close your eyes and imagine your younger self standing in front of you.
Picture them at an age when they felt most vulnerable.
Ask: What do you need to hear right now?
Offer them the love, validation, and reassurance they may not have received.

This simple practice can be incredibly powerful in healing past wounds and integrating your shadow.

5. Express what you’ve been holding back.

Shadow integration isn’t just about recognizing our hidden parts. It’s about allowing ourselves to express them in healthyways.

If you’ve suppressed your voice, start speaking up.

If you’ve buried your creativity, allow yourself to create freely.

If you’ve been afraid of taking up space, start owning your worth.

Challenge yourself:

Identify one way you’ve been keeping yourself small.
Take one small step toward expressing that part of yourself this week.

When we integrate our shadow, we reclaim the full spectrum of who we are.

Embracing Your Whole Self

Healing isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming whole.

The parts of us that we once rejected hold immense wisdom, creativity, and strength. When we integrate them, weunlock a new level of self-awareness, freedom, and inner peace.

So, the next time your shadows appear, instead of running from them, try sitting with them.

Instead of fighting your fears, try listening to what they have to teach you.

Instead of rejecting the parts of you that feel unworthy, try offering them love.

Because healing isn’t about erasing your darkness.

It’s about learning to dance with it until it, too, becomes light.

I would love to hear from you: What’s one part of yourself you’re learning to embrace? Drop a comment below.